Our parish benefits tremendously from the presence, prayer and pastoral involvement of our seniors. Unfortunately, I'm not always aware of all the ways you bless our parish family and the wider society. But, God knows. In this column I'd like to share with you several excerpts from a book called, Falling in Love With Life, An Understanding of Ageing, by Catherine McCann which begins by saying:

"We age from the day we are born. Yet when the word ageing is used people assume it refers to the older years. What in fact are the older years? Those who are old in one culture, will not be in another. Definitions of the older years will also vary among individuals within a culture. Until recently, many considered the older years to begin at the time of retirement which generally meant sixty-jive. However, in many places today, the retirement is coming down to as low as fifty-five. Hence, the question becomes, Is one old at fifty-five? Most people would say no. So at what age then does old age begin: 70? or 80? A lighthearted answer says that an old person is someone who is fifteen years older than we are.

A well known saying is apt: "We are as old as we feel. " The experience of most people is that they feel young inside even when certain physical limitations are present. It is important that each one, and society in general, fosters keeping alive that "young inside" person.

Only towards the end of life may a change from this outlook become noticeable. The usual manifestation of this is weariness, at both the physical and psychological levels of the person. Such fatigue often says that a person is now tired of living and is ready to leave this life. This phase may be preceded by a period of frailty when people are and want to be passive. It is a time when they are unable to be other than this way. A false 'enlightened' view of ageing does not always allow for this period in people's lives. Those around can cajole such a person to be and do what they are no longer really able to do.

Growing Older, But Not Old

In his book, No Wrinkles on the Soul, the Revered Richard Morgan writes:

"The word old still may carry a lot of negative images in people's minds. For many, to be old stirs image of senility, sickness, and sleeplessness - of being relegated to the sidelines of life. Some older people deny their ageing and cling to their lost youth like young chicks cling to their shells. But nothing can stop the aging process. A person begins to age at the moment of birth. "

"Have you ever considered that it is possible to grow older, never old? As we grow older, owe have to cope with slowed -down reflexes, weaker vision, a slower step, or hearing impairment. "Out outer nature is wasting away or, as St. Paul reminds us. All the cosmetics and beauty creams cannot hide the wrinkles and liver spots. Didn't Jesus say, "Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?" (Matt.6:27)

"Yes, we grow older, but age is a state of mind, "Our inner nature is being renewed every day. " As long as we keep our hopes and dreams alive, as long as we stay involved in life, our spirits will be renewed. There should be no wrinkles on the soul. We may grow older, but let us never grow old."

By the way, did you hear about the older person who went to the doctor with a painful knee? The doctor remarked: "What can you expect at your age?", to which the patient replied, "the other knee is just as old and it is quite healthy."

Keys to Ageing Well

In her book, Falling in Love With Life, Catherine McCann writes: "There are certain established criteria for ageing well. These include good morale, self-esteem, experiencing satisfaction in our ordinary everyday living, having control over our lives." (I would add, having a strong faith life and feeling connected to family and community.) McCann goes on to quote Erikson, the famous psychoanalyst, who speaks of some abilities we need to develop as we grow older: the ability to adapt to change, to accept the past, to transcend self-preoccupation, and to lose a fear of death.

Adaptability: The ability to adjust to the inevitable biological, psychological, spiritual and social changes that ageing brings. Acceptance of things that cannot be changed is part of this adjustment. Coming to acceptance of things that cannot be changed is part of this adjustment. Coming to acceptance of what is limiting and undesirable involves discovering meaning in what has taken place. Over time this meaning can deepen.

Reconciliation with the Past: This involves coming to terms with how we actually live our lives and how we might like to have lived them. Acceptance of mistakes, choices made that are now regretted, helps to contribute to present levels of satisfaction.

An inability to do this will detract from an experience of well-being.

Transcendence of Self-Preoccupation: This is difficult because it deals with everyone's lifelong fight against selfishness. It is sad to see older people whose lives center more and more on themselves and their needs, with a gradual decline of interest and awareness of the needs of others. This can happen to people who may have been very caring earlier in life.

Coming to Terms with Death. Fear of the unknown is very natural. Some people have a great fear of death. Others face it calmly, and those who work in hospitals would say that this is true of most people. Religion can play a major part in helping people cope with death and dying, yet some, despite their deep faith, can have a great natural fear of death. The actual reality of death grows in people's consciousness from the fifties on when an awareness of our own mortality impinges more into living. This can lead to moroseness, but for those with a healthy realism it can lead to a greater appreciation of the preciousness of life. This, in turn, results in a determination to try to live as fully as possible each new decade, year, day, as they come along.

McCann goes on to say: There is a theory that many people, over their lives, develop efficiency at the cost of versatility. The pattern of thinking and behavior that we adopt, particularly over the middle years, tends to color our later lives. A lack of

versatility shows itself in an inability to try out new things, take risks, even to enlarge interest and ways of thinking about things. This can result in people being able to only make restrictive choices in their later years when, in fact, this is a time when creativity is needed. Flexibility and a resourceful spirit are great qualities to bring into the older years. When these are diminished, even small changes can be difficult, like changing personal routines or ways of doing things. If more major changes are deemed necessary, these can become catastrophes. McCann quotes Florida Maxwell as saying: "Age puzzles me. I thought it was a quiet time. My seventies were interesting and serene but my eighties are passionate. I grow more intense as I age. To my surprise I burst out with hot conviction. Our older years call for boldness and imagination. Hence it is important to be wary of telling people how to behave by prescribing how they should live their lives. Widening horizons and encouraging a daring spirit is what needs to be fostered

Having said that, one thing is definite: the most vital element in ageing well is to keep alive a sense of purpose to life. To have a purpose for our older years in general, and to have a goal or goals for each decade, year, even month ahead, is essential to

fulfilled living. In practice, this means not constantly giving into our inner voice which could say something like, "stay in bed today, the weather is too bad." Awareness of purpose may' grow dim and narrow at times due to illness or stress, but fanning it into flame again and again so that it is personally real in the nitty-gritty of everyday happenings is what gives energy and meaning to living life fully to its completion.

Our Pope and our Bishops on Ageing

About a year ago, both our Pope and U.S. Bishops published Pastoral Letters on ageing. In his "Letter to the Elderly, John Paul says: "Precisely because of their mature experience, the elderly are able to offer young people precious advice and guidance. Many people find understanding and comfort from elderly people who may be lonely or ill and yet are able to instill courage by their loving advice, their silent prayers, or their witness of suffering borne with patient acceptance.

In their letter, Blessings of Age our bishops say to the many people who retire at a young age: " You may be tempted to turn inward, pursuing hobbies and leisure activities. But you also have the opportunity to give something back, to make a significant contribution to your Church and community, and in doing so, to enrich your own life. "

In an article on The Blessings of Age, Bernard Casserly, a grandfather, writes: "Thanking God for our long and fruitful lives, we who survived difficult years and learned great lessons from them, now have a great chance to share our wisdom with those more pampered and less fortunate. Society will benefit from our knowledge and experience, if it chooses. The Great Jubilee of the Year 2000 will never come again, and we lucky seniors must do all we can to share the miracles we have received - especially, the blessing of age.

Finally, someone said that a Class Reunion is a gathering where one comes to the conclusion that all of the people one's own age are a lot older than we are.

© By Fr. Eamon Tobin