What made the Holy Family holy was LOVE--the kind of love that knows how to hang in there when things get tough, and the kind that is strong enough to give of itself outside the family. If we can get past our romantic images of the Christmas story and listen to the events as the Gospel presents them, we will begin to grasp the kind of love that Mary and Joseph had for each other.

The brutal fact of today's Gospel passage is that Herod, a homicidal maniac, was having every newborn male murdered. Imagine, if you can, what this experience must have been like for Mary and Joseph. The most powerful man in the country wanted to kill their newborn son and was stopping at nothing to do it. Certainly, they would know how to empathize with you parents who worry about the safety or health of your children. Certainly, our days are no more violent or dangerous than that. Certainly, they can teach us how to deal with stress and to keep on loving.

As we read on in today's Gospel, we see that Mary and Joseph became refugees. They walked across the desert from Israel to Egypt to escape the violence. They were homeless. This reality should be of some comfort to those of us who are separated from our extended families, who must move because of work or school.

Certainly, they can empathize with those whose homes are destroyed by fire, or whose possessions are taken violently from them. Certainly they can teach us how love can overcome adversity.

But the resilience of Mary and Joseph's love during the first years of Jesus' life should do more than inspire us. It should challenge us. It should lead us to see Jesus in those who continue to live out his story today. Do we see Jesus in the face of the abused child? Do we welcome the Holy Family when they come to us as refugees from the violence in Central America? Do we recognize that the life of the Holy Family was not one of domestic bliss but of struggle, that their love was born out of this pain? And, do we see that the symbol of the Holy Family is not just meant to inspire us, but to shake us out of our self-preoccupation to see the face of Jesus in the suffering children of our world.

What made the Holy Family holy was not only their love for each other, but their love for those outside the family. Mary and Joseph knew that their family life was for a higher purpose. Jesus was to be a gift to the world. Do we see ourselves as called to go out of our homes to be there for others? What makes our families holy is not whether they measure up to some cultural standard of what family life is supposed to be. What makes our families holy is whether or not we live the Gospel, whether or not we recognize the faces of Jesus, Mary and Joseph in the faces of those who are suffering all around us.

TRAITS OF A HEALTHY CHRISTIAN FAMILY by Dolores Curran

We all know the traits of an unhappy or dysfunctional family, e.g., drugs, lack of communication, infidelity, isolation, etc. But what are the traits of a healthy family?

Dolores Curran, author of several books on the family and popular speaker at Catholic Family Life Conferences, outlines many of the traits of a healthy family.

1)A Healthy Family Has a Strong Sense of Family. Even if the family members live 1,000 miles from home, they still work at staying in touch with each other. They do it through cards, telephone and visits.

2) Traditions and Rituals Abound in the Healthy Family. Ethnic, religious and family traditions and rituals are an important part of a healthy family. One of the most common quarrels of newlyweds arises when opposing Christmas traditions bump into each other. One of the preparation steps for marriage in our parish is a Family of Origins Seminar- -engaged couples are helped to look at the rules, customs and traditions that governed their family.

3) The Healthy Family Has Control of the Schedule. Many families today are ruled by the family calendar and Little League, Boy Scouts, piano lessons, etc. A healthy family refuses to allow such activities to divide the family. It evaluates each activity's impact on the overall good of the family.

4) The Healthy Family Demands Responsibility and Respect from Each Member of the Family. Each family member, regardless of age, is responsible for some family chores. The family is not just mom or dad's responsibility-as it tends to be in the unhealthy family- but is everyone's responsibility. Respect is shown by never humiliating children or discussing their shortcomings in front of others.

5) The Healthy Family Can Cope with Adversity as Well as with Success. Healthy families understand that failures are a part of life, They don't fall apart when a member of the family lets the family down, instead, they bond together to heal the hurt and problem.

6) Healthy Families Communicate Well. Healthy Families Develop Good Communication Patterns. Members of the family know what is going on. They talk about successes and failures. They have a way for dealing with conflict. They are not afraid to seek outside help it they are failing to resolve their problems.

7) Healthy Families Spend Time Alone With Other Members of the Family. We are not referring here to family meetings, but to the time a parent might spend with one of his/her children. This helps to develop a personal relationship within the family unit.

8) The Healthy Family Develops A Sense of Humor and Play. Play and humor can be a relief valve in family life. The family that rarely laughs together is in trouble. The unhealthy family tends to use humor destructively. Members laugh at rather than with each other.

9) Healthy Families Allow Children Their Own Era. Within reason, parents allow their children to have their own music, clothes, hair styles, language (e.g., words like "gross", etc.).

10) Healthy Families Have A Strong Sense of Trust. Healthy families don't get sucked in by the "you don't trust me" game. Children in a healthy family know that they can trust their parents to want and to do what is best for them.

11) The Healthy Family Looks Forward to Teen Years. Many families cope okay until the teen years. Then they become uncommunicative and lose trust. Parents hear their friends say, "Just wait until they're teenagers." This sets parents and teens up for conflict.

12) Healthy families Permit Each Child to be the Person God Created Them to be. Sickly families try to force kids to fit a particular mold; e.g., if athletics are high on the family priority list, every child must be an athlete, whether he/she wants to or not.

13) The Healthy Family Lets Go. Children in unhealthy families are never permitted to "leave" even when they are married. They are tied to their parents with obligation, dependency and guilt. Healthy parents let children go when they have become adults and now are responsible for their own behavior, beliefs, careers and families.

It would be wonderful if your family could have a discussion about the above article. What spoke to you? What didn't you connect with? In your opinion, what are the traits of a healthy family? What are healthy traits that your family possesses?