The Catholic Church's Teaching On Sexual Morality Issues

Part One.

Down through the ages, the Catholic Church has taught that marriage (between a man and a woman) is the only true context for sexual intercourse. This means that all forms of non-marital sex is, in some way, morally wrong. In a day and age when non-marital sex is so widespread, one may wonder if this traditional teaching of our Church is totally outdated and unrealistic. On the other hand, when we examine the devastating results of widespread non-marital sex (unwed pregnancies, abortions, sexually transmitted diseases, emotional wounding, etc.), we may want to take a second look at the Catholic Church's teaching and appreciate its wisdom and value.

In this article, and the next one, we will examine, in the light of Scripture, the Church's understanding of the purpose of genital sex and why our Church teaches that premarital sex, extramarital sex, homosexual activity and masturbation are contrary to God's design for sexual intercourse.

The Unitive Dimension of Sexual Intercourse

In the Book of Genesis we read how God saw "it was not good for the man to be alone," so God created for him a woman who would be his special companion. The two would form a "love union" or partnership which would be expressed, celebrated and symbolized by their sexual union; "the two shall become one body." This love-union between the husband and wife has come to be known as the Unitive dimension of genital sexuality. The purpose of the unitive dimension of genital sex is to communicate, celebrate and express the love bond between husband and wife which includes the adventure of seeking and finding God together. In time the "love union" or partnership between the husband and his wife received the name "marriage."

The Procreative Dimension of Sexual Intercourse

In the Book of Genesis God also said to the couple, "Be fruitful and multiply. ." This is what our church refers to as the procreative dimension of genital sex. "The desire of married couples to procreate, to generate new life, both in terms of offspring and in terms of other mutually creative endeavors, is a natural, divinely ordained instinct" (U.S. Bishops document on Human Sexuality, p. 37). The procreative dimension of sexual intercourse refers to the privilege that married couples are given when they cooperate with God to create new life.

When we see the devastating results of widespread non-marital sex, we may want to take a second look at the wisdom of the Church's viewpoint.

Of course God's command to "be fruitful and multiply..." does not mean that a couple must have conception in mind every time they make love. But it does mean that an essential dimension of married genital sex is openness to new life. In fact the Catholic church will not bless a marriage if a couple deliberately chooses to exclude children from their marriage. From the above brief survey of the Genesis Creation story, we can see that in the beginning of time God "wrote" out for us, as it were, the true meaning and purpose of genital sexual union. That meaning and purpose can be summed up in two words: Partnership and Parenthood or more specifically, a committed marital relationship and an openness to new life. Across the centuries, the Church developed a theology of marriage and sexuality. Since Vatican Council II, the Catholic Church has taught that the purpose of genital sexual love is the celebration and the enhancement of the love-union between a husband and his wife (the unitive dimension) and the openness of the couple to being co-creators of new life with God (the procreative dimension).

Sex As a Language of Love

The Irish Bishops in their 1985 Pastoral, Life is For Love, speak about sex as a "language of love." They point out that we can communicate with each other not only with our words but also with our bodies. Many counselors tell us that their clients will reveal a lot more to them with their "body language" than with their words. We use our bodies to worship God and to express our love for him. We can also use our bodies to express our love for each other: the warm handshake, the loving embrace, the kiss, handholding, etc.

Recreational or casual sex is wrong because it trivializes a gift of God.

Sexual intercourse is also a unique and special way for two people to express their love. It is a way for two people to say to each other in a bodily way: "I delight in you;" "I am sorry for my selfishness;" "I promise to try harder to love you." Within Catholic Tradition, sexual intercourse is a way for two people to say: "I love you today and I am committed to you in an exclusive and permanent way. I promise to continue sharing my life with you in good times and in bad; and if God blesses our love with a new life, I will welcome our child and be there to raise it with you." In other words, sexual intercourse is only fully authentic when it occurs between two people who have made a public commitment to love each other all the days of their lives and are open to the gift of new life. When our church speaks about "openness to new life" it is, of course, only speaking about couples for whom this is a biological possibility.

Let us now look at why the Church believes and teaches that all forms of non-marital sex are lacking in some way in the Creator's design for sexual intercourse and, therefore, are morally wrong.

Recreational or Casual Sex

Recreational or casual sex often occurs between people who want the pleasure that comes with genital sex but don't want the responsibility of an intimate relationship which of its very nature demands much of self-giving and sacrifice. Recreational or casual sex is morally wrong not only because it trivializes a gift of God but also because it completely separates sex from its proper context, namely, that of love and marriage and uses the other person as a means of sexual gratification. In the language of love people who engage in recreational sex are more or less saying to each other: "I want your body for the pleasure it can give me, but I don't want you." One reason casual sex doesn't work for long is because it is hard to keep sex "casual." Of its very nature sex seeks to go somewhere, namely, towards a committed relationship. Gerald Collins, S.S. writes: "In humans sex is not a neutral ingredient. Sex changes things. Sex generates more than passion: a sexual relationship arouses hopes and enkindles expectations. As sharing continues, promises are made- sometimes explicitly, often in subtler ways. Recreational sex is bankrupt not because it focuses on pleasure but because it does not keep its promises. For human beings, physical and psychological intimacy are connected" (Human Sexuality, 135-6). When the relational aspect of sex is denied or pushed aside, sex is cheapened, and two people end up using each other for their own selfish gain and for a fleeting moment of shallow intimacy. The fun and games dimension of recreational sex ends quickly when a pregnancy occurs, when a sex related disease is contracted, or when someone is emotionally hurt.

A sexual relationship arouses hopes and enkindles expectations.

Other Forms of Premarital Sex

Recreational or casual sex usually takes place between people who have little or no relationship with each other or certainly have not much commitment to each other. Now we will turn to the situation of couples who are friends, couples who are dating and couples who are engaged. Many of these couples wonder why the Church says that their lovemaking is morally wrong. "After all," they will say, "we love each other. Surely our love for each other is sufficient to justify our having sex together."

As we said earlier, in the language of love genital sex says: "I give myself to you completely and forever and if the Lord blesses our love with a child, I am ready to welcome that child and raise him or her with you." Most couples who engage in premarital sex are not ready to make that twofold commitment. Many may sincerely think that they truly love each other and are ready to love the other forever. But they haven't yet made that permanent and exclusive commitment. Often they don't even know each other's hearts, each other's values, attitudes, and behaviors enough to know if their love is true or a form of counterfeit love. Secondly, most couples in the above mentioned categories are not in a position financially, mentally, and emotionally to welcome a child and care for it.

But engaged couples who are planning marriage may say: "But what of us? Obviously we love each other. We have dated each other for several years. We plan to be married and if a child is conceived, we will certainly welcome him/her and raise him/her to the best of our ability." Even though engaged couples are usually very committed to each other, it can be said: One partner can never be sure that the other partner's words of commitment, which are not public, are genuine. It all too often and all too traumatically happens that one deeply committed partner in such a union discovers that the other person's commitment, though spoken, was really not meant. Admittedly, this problem could also happen after marriage, but the social character or marriage does help make such a problem less likely. The fact is that engaged couples have an easier "out" than married couples, especially where there are children and property involved. When engaged couples break their engagement, no one says that "a divorce" is happening simply because their love and commitment were never publicly pledged. A broken engagement generally hurts a woman more because she will have "invested" more in the relationship, and if a birth control contraceptive fails, she is the one who is left with the problem of an unplanned pregnancy.

When engaged couples break up, no one says that a "divorce" is happening.

Cohabitation

Dating and engaged couples may share the same residence for financial reasons and in order to get to know each other better without actually engaging in premarital sex. Technically there is nothing wrong with this situation, but it does create an atmosphere which makes it very difficult for two people who love each other to abstain from sexual intercourse.

Normally, today couples who move in together do so not only for financial reasons but also for intimacy and sexual reasons. They want to see if they are "sexually compatible," and if they can get along in a day to day situation. In short, many couples today believe that living together is a good way to prepare for marriage.

Statistics to show that there is a higher rate of divorce among couples who live together prior to marriage than among couples who choose to go the traditional route. (Of course we must ask the question: Does cohabitation "cause" couples to be more likely to divorce, or are couples who are more likely to divorce more likely to cohabit?) Couples who live together prior to marriage feel that they want to be "sure" that they are right for each other. This indeed is a commendable and understandable desire. But the fact is that there is no way to be absolutely sure that one is marrying the right person. Couples who cohabit may think that their "live in" situation is actually the same as being married. It is not. Only marriage (the public declaration of committed love) is marriage.

There is a higher rate of divorce between couples who live together prior to marriage.

Cohabitation is morally wrong because, despite the good intentions of the couple, it is a "let's pretend" situation. It is not yet an exclusive and publicly committed relationship. A couple cohabiting are pretending that they are married when in fact they are not. A couple is either married or single. They can't be both. In addition to being a "pretend situation," co-habitation can also be a source of scandal and it can weaken the respect which others (e.g., younger brothers and sisters, friends) have for the sacred institution of marriage.

Another difficulty with the cohabitation arrangement is "the convenience factor." Often couples move in together because it's convenient-convenient for financial and intimacy reasons. Living separately may be awkward and demand sacrifices. Convenience is not a good motive on which to make a moral decision. Many couples who move in together because it is convenient often move out of a marriage because it is a convenient way to solve marital problems.

Mitch and Kathy Finley, authors on books on marriage and popular speakers at Conferences for Engaged Couples write: "We say to the engaged couples: For us, the choice to reserve sexual intercourse until after the wedding was a good choice, and we're glad we made it. It helped us to concentrate on the essence of our love and commitment to each other. We think we did considerably more talking and listening than if we had been sexually active before we were married. We're happy that we 'saved sex' for marriage. For one thing, that made the first time we made love (though we now chuckle over it) a special sign and symbol of the beginning of our marriage. This choice made our honeymoon special, and fun, in ways that, otherwise, it never could have been. For us, making love has never happened except in the context of our marital commitment. We have no memories of sex apart from our marriage vows, so making love can only mean marriage. In other words, we never made love in the context of 'maybe.' Therefore, for us making love can never mean 'maybe', it can only mean an unconditional 'yes.'"

A CHALLENGING IDEAL

The Gospel ideal of "saving sex" for marriage is not an easy one and will make little or no sense to anyone who is not seriously committed to living one's life according to the teachings of Jesus, and even then it will not be any easy ideal to embrace and live by. I have seen some young people somewhere in their twenties "find Jesus." They have a "conversion experience" and their whole life-style changes. After their conversion experience no one has to tell them that premarital sex is contrary to the teaching of the Gospel. The Holy Spirit, active in their hearts, enlightens them and they come to see for themselves the truth and wisdom of the Church's teaching about sex. If our heart is formed and influenced by the world, we will, most likely, conclude that there is nothing wrong with the various forms of premarital sex mentionied above. We will, most likely, see the Church's viewpoint as outdated, unrealistic, restrictive, repressive and even unhealthy. On the other hand, if seeking the truth of the Gospel and being open to dialoguing with the Church teaching is a priority for us, we will, most likely, come to see, understand and embrace the wisdom of the Church's viewpoint. Rather than seeing the Church's viewpoint as restrictive or unhealthy, we will, most surely, come to see it as the avenue to true freedom and peace in this area of our lives.

Even though individuals or couples may come to embrace the Gospel ideal of saving sex for marriage, that is no guarantee that they will find it easy to abstain from sex, especially if they are involved in a relationship that is truly caring and life-giving. In fact, they can expect that abstinence will be quite difficult. Jesus never promised that following his message would be easy. In his book, The Mystery of Faith, Fr. Francis Kelly writes: "Christianity is no 'easy street religion.' It is a call to sacrifice, heroism and generosity. To live as Jesus taught us, we must not only have a strong prayer life and understand the value of self-discipline in the Christian life, but we will also need, as companions on the way, other people of faith who share our moral convictions and values."

Because a much larger percentage of teens and young adults are sexually active today in contrast to 30 years ago, many people (including parents) tend to think that the "save sex for marriage" message is totally unrealistic. So, instead of preaching the church's Good News of "save sex for marriage," they preach the world's news of "safe sex" and "be sure to carry a condom with you." While one can, in a sense, understand such "realistic thinking," we also need to realize that it is an insult to the idealism and basic goodness and generosity of young people. What makes us believe that young people today are less noble and less capable of self-discipline than young people back in the 30's, 40's and 50's? When we preach "safe sex" to single people, we are telling them that they are incapable of controlling themselves, which actually weakens their moral character instead of strengthening it. Dr. James Dobson, famous for his Focus on Family series, tells us that a large percent of all high school students are virgins today, even though hardly anybody has told them that it is a good thing. Isn't that amazing and surely a testimony to the moral values of our young people. Hence, we should never hesitate or hold back in sharing with our young people the Gospel ideal of "save sex for marriage."

Christianity is a call to sacrifice, heroism and generosity.

Of course, because we are human, weak and Iive in a sinful world, we will sometimes, if not often, fail in our attempts to live the ideals of the Gospel. Jesus knows this. Perhaps that is the reason he spoke so often about the mercy of God. In the area of sex, some people will often say "yes" to sex when they know they should say "no." They may say "yes" for self-esteem purposes and to avoid rejection. Unfortunately, it seems that some of us have to experience the counterfeit forms of love several times before we finally recognize their falseness and the havoc that they can reap on our moral, emotional and physical life. God understands our weaknesses and vulnerability and wants, with our cooperation, to help us to strengthen those weak areas of our lives. Concretely, this will mean a commitment to an honest and sincere prayer life. As noted earlier, it may mean having the support of other faith friends who share our moral convictions in this area of Christian life. It may mean making good use of the Sacrament of Reconciliation. It may mean periodic spiritual and psychological counseling to help us bring integration and order into this area of our lives. Finally, it will mean persevering and not quitting in our struggles even if we frequently fail to live a chaste life.

If you liked this article, you may want to share it with a young person who may be confused about issues discussed here.

Part Two will look at the following issues: Extra-marital sex, homosexuality, masturbation and pornography.