Before I begin, I would like to state the obvious, namely, that I do not consider myself an expert in this area (are there any?) I am just a fellow-pilgrim walking with you offering a few crumbs that may or may not be helpful.
Some of you know that I have written a book on prayer called Prayer, A Handbook for Today's Catholic. The book was written about twenty years ago. I didn't get to choose the title. If I had I would not have used the word "Catholic" in it, simply because there is nothing specifically Catholic about the book except my brief chapter on the rosary. The book is now out of print. But, I do have some copies that I loan out to those interested. While writing the book I read everything I could on the topic of prayer and of course, reflected a lot on my own meager efforts to pray. Even if I say it myself, I believe (as humbly as I can) that there are lots of practical, helpful stuff on prayer in the book-some of which I will share with you in this column and in next week's column.
Some Definitions or Descriptions of Prayer.
There is no one correct, exhaustive definition of prayer. Since prayer has to do with our relationship with the Blessed Trinity it is always in the realm of mystery. The following are some of the things that we can say prayer is:
Prayer is many things
Prayer is opening our lives to God. I believe that this description of prayer is important. There is always the danger that we spend time in prayer without ever opening our hearts to God. We read and say prayers, but we didn't open our minds and hearts to God. Many years ago, Fr. Tom Green, whom I quote a lot in my book, wrote a book called Opening to God. His first chapter was on The Irrelevance of Prayer, Fr. Green reminds us that prayer is irrelevant if it is our attempt to get God to do our will. But it is very relevant if it is our attempt to seek God's will and act on it. So at the heart of all prayer is our attempt to open our minds and hearts to God.
Prayer can also be described as the experience of connecting with God. There are some people we have known by sight for years, having seen them at church or at work, but we have never actually encountered or connected with them. Then one day we meet and talk. The potential for meeting or connecting was always there, but it did not happen until now. It is somewhat the same with God and prayer. God is always present to us but for various reasons we have not connected with him. He is within us and all around us-and we are there, but we just don't connect. A real "moment of prayer" happens when we are gifted with the grace of connecting with God.
Prayers can also be described as waiting upon the Lord. Day after day we go to prayer and wait. Sometimes we come away and we are still waiting, hoping, and expecting. But sometimes he comes and fills us with his light, giving us a tiny glimpse of who he is, and then he is gone. Then the waiting begins once again.
Prayer is longing for greater union with God. "As the hind (deer) longs for the running waters, so my soul longs for you. O God" (Psalm 42:2).
Prayer is glimpsing the beauty of God just as we catch a glimpse of the sun now and again on a cloudy day.
Prayer is standing before God in radical poverty, without illusions, before the infinite richness of God.
Prayer is discovering all that God has already given us and growing in our appreciation of his gifts.
Finally, prayer can also be defined or described as a personal relationship with God. Just as communication, properly used, is a tool that enables us to develop a close relationship with other human persons, so prayer is a tool that will make it more possible for us to develop a loving relationship with God. Consider the parallels. Generally speaking, our ability to relate to God will be no better than our ability to relate to other humans beings. In fact, we can say that our style of relating on a human level will usually manifest itself in our prayer. For example
The way we are with people is the way we are with God. There is a danger that we fool ourselves into thinking that we are different with God than we are with people. Because we bring our style of communicating with others into our prayer, it is very important for us to be aware of our pluses and minuses in human communication.
Each of us is born with a potential to relate, a potential which, must be developed if we are going to communicate effectively with other people. At this point in our lives, that potential to relate has been developed to a lesser or greater extent. If presently our human potential to relate isn't very good, that will diminish our potential to relate to God through prayer. For example if we have very little ability to put aside our own concerns and preoccupations in order to be truly present to another, without a miracle of grace we are going to find it very difficult to hear the voice of God. Or if, on the human level, we have developed very little ability to trust others, we may find it hard to trust God. So each of us brings to prayer particular relational strengths and limitations, which will probably either, help or hinder our relationship with God.
Generally speaking, we can say that as we grow in our ability to relate on a human level we will be preparing good soil for our relationship with God. Married couples who participate in a Marriage Encounter weekend often report that their newfound ability to relate to each other also enhances their relationship with God. For example, just as the weekend helps them relate to each other more on a heart (sharing of feelings) then head (sharing of thoughts) level, so the weekend helps them relate to God on a heart or feeling level. It is through our human relationships that we develop the skills necessary to better our relationship with God.
While there are many parallels between human and divine-human communication, there are a couple of differences. An obvious one is that we cannot see God, hear his voice, or hold his hand. We have to depend on the gift of faith to believe that God is present to us and that he does indeed speak to us. A much more important difference is that in the divine-human relationship God is always faithful, loving, and merciful. God also has the power to bring about on a divine-human level, something that seems unlikely or impossible on a human level. For example, even though we have never really trusted someone on a human level, it is possible that God could bypass our human limitation or heal it, thus enabling us to trust him. So while God usually works through our human gifts and talents, we must never limit God's work in our lives to such gifts and talents.
Four Keys to An Effective Prayer Life
Part one of my book deals with Four Keys to An Effective Prayer Life. In my introduction to the four keys, I write:
There are four essential keys to a genuine prayer life. Even though each of us prays in a different way, all of us should attend to these four basics in prayer: 1) We need to develop a positive image of God and self; 2) We must be honest with God; 3) we need to integrate prayer with daily life; 4) we must listen to God in prayer. If we are inattentive to any of these four keys, our relationship with God will be defective in some way.
Before examining each of these keys, it is important to understand the meaning of the words key and effective when used in connection with prayer.
"Effective" Prayer: On the human level our attempts to communicate with each other can be effective or ineffective. They may be ineffective because deep down (perhaps unconsciously) either one or both of the parties may not want to communicate. Sometimes the problem is that, despite the presence of good will, very little intimacy is experienced because of a lack of basic communication skills. Some people have poorly developed listening skills; others are unable to confront in a mature way and reconcile differences in a reasonable way. On the other hand, when two people want very much to communicate with each other and have developed some basic communication skills, there is every chance that they will experience a good degree of understanding, trust, acceptance, and intimacy.
Now just as there is effective and ineffective human communication, there is effective and ineffective divine-human communication. Some people, for example, pray (or rather "say prayers") all their lives and still do not make contact with God. Their prayer does not seem to affect their life or the way they communicate with other people. They are often harsh and critical of self and others, have little or no social conscience, and are fearful and anxious about the future. Obviously the prayer of such people is ineffective and leaves much to be desired both with God and with others.
In contrast to such faulty communication, effective prayer, of its very nature, facilitates human and spiritual growth and enhances our relationships with others and with God. It leads to growth in faith, hope, and love of God, others and self. Effective or real prayer helps us to face evil courageously and to place our trust in God when we walk in the valley of darkness (see Psalm 23). Effective prayer opens us to the experience of God's unconditional love and to the acceptance of his incomprehensible ways. It gradually helps us to be attentive and responsive to the needs of others, especially the poor. Finally, effective prayer should help us to accept and integrate the different dimensions and strivings of our being.
If these growth patterns are not developing in our lives, then maybe we should reevaluate our way of praying. Of course, the benefits of effective prayer will not happen overnight. In fact, there will be periods of time when we wonder if anything positive is happening in our prayer life. But over the long haul, we can expect to grow closer to God and to others if our prayer is honest and genuine.
"Keys" to Effective Prayer: The word keys does not imply that if we do certain things (press certain keys) we will automatically experience intimacy with God. Such belief would be seriously mistaken and blind to the fact that in the spiritual life all is gift and that union with God cannot be earned. The use of the word keys refers to some basic facts that we need to pay attention to so that we become receptive soil for God's transforming work in us. The phrase receptive soil reminds us that prayer and its goal, our transformation in Christ (see Galatians 4:19), are pure gift. All we can do is pray for this gift and do what we can to create the conditions that will make us good soil for God's transforming work. William Shannon, in Seeking the Face of God, writes: "It is true to say we don't pray, but rather we let it happen in us. The best we can do is to prepare and dispose ourselves to let it happen."
Discouragement
This piece is not in my book but I feel led to say a word about it now. I believe, with all my heart that one of the greatest tools the devil uses in the area of prayer is discouragement. He seeks to whisper in our ear that taking time out to pray is a waste of valuable time. We pray and/or come to the Adoration Chapel for a while, expect stuff to happen but it doesn't. Also, we have some intention that we want a positive response from and it doesn't happen. That can really tick us off and cause us to distance ourselves from God. This happens all the time-especially when our request is a very good one like "make my husband well", "help me find a job", "Help us conceive a child". Why would God not want to answer such heartfelt prayers? Because..... God is God and we, as humans, cannot even begin to comprehend the mind of God. Usually, there is no good answer to the question why? There is of course a "faith response" that helps us to accept God's strange ways. There is "faith stance" that may take years and years to develop that helps us to embrace the wisdom found in the following piece called, The Weaver:
The following verses from daily scripture speak in a way to discouragement in prayer. These words are Jesus' comments on his Parable of the Sower.
'This, then, is what the parable means; the seed is the word of God. Those on the edge of the path are people who have heard it, and then the devil comes and carries away the word from their hearts in case they should believe and be saved. Those on the rock are people who, when they first hear it, welcome the word with joy. But these have no root; they believe for a while, and in time of trial they give up. As for the part that fell into thorns, this is people who have heard, but as they go on their way they are choked by the worries and riches and pleasures of life and do not reach maturity. As for the part in the rich soil, this is people with a noble and generous heart who have heard the word and take it to themselves and yield a harvest through their perseverance.'
All of us are potential good soil for the word and work of God. The more we open ourselves to him, the more he can work in us. But the evil one is also at work to block and hinder God's word. We must not allow him to steal God's word and hinder his work.
Reflection Questions