A few years ago, I read a beautiful and very simple book called, Sleeping with Bread. It was written by Dennis and Sheila Linn and Dennis' brother, Fr. Matthew Linn S.J. The title of the book came from the following story.

During the bombing raids of World War II, thousands of children were orphaned and left to starve. The fortunate ones were rescued and placed in refugee camps where they received food and good care. But, many of these children who had lost so much could not sleep at night. They feared waking up to find themselves once again homeless and without food. Nothing seemed to reassure them. Finally, someone hit upon the idea of giving each child a piece of bread to hold at bedtime. Holding their bread, these children could finally sleep in peace. All through the night the bread reminded them, "Today I ate and I will eat again tomorrow."

In the introduction to the book the authors state:

This is the simplest book we have ever written. It is about asking ourselves two questions: For what am I most grateful? For what am I least grateful? These questions help us identify moments of consolation and desolation. For centuries, prayerful people have found direction for their day and for their life by identifying these moments.

The two questions can be asked in other ways, such as: When did I feel most alive today? When did I feel life draining out of me? Or, what was today's high point? What was today's low point? Those of you who have participated in our Lenten or on going small groups, will recognize that the above questions about what you are most and least grateful for is the sharing of life question that is asked at your weekly sessions.

EVERYDAY EXPERIENCE IS DIVINE REVELATION

St. Ignatius wrote The Spiritual Exercises, which have guided retreatants for centuries. The Exercises begin by recommending that everyone be taught the examen. Ignatius would not have been surprised that the examen revealed a direction for our life, sine the examen is what changed him from a wild soldier to a pilgrim walking barefoot to Jerusalem He expected that God would speak through our deepest feelings and yearnings, what he called "consolation" and "desolation." For us, consolation is whatever helps us connect with ourselves, others, God and the universe. Desolation is whatever disconnects us. Ignatius recommended returning to our deepest moments of consolation and desolation. We do this because it is wisely said, "Experience is the best teacher." the primary and most obvious reason for this is that revelation is not over, God is constantly revealing himself to us in our experience. . . Of course, the Bible is divine revelation - no one denies that. But so is life! It is precisely because God is present to life and available to human experience that we have a divinely inspired story to tell, and that the story once told is revelation.

One reason we light a candle when we do the examen is because the candle's flame symbolizes the light of divine revelation in our everyday experience. The gratitude questions we use are simply one way of discovering the day's consolation and desolation, the interior movements through which divine revelation unfolds. Ignatius saw the examen as the cornerstone of the spiritual life to the extent that when the Jesuits at the Council of Trent asked if they could skip their prayer exercises because they had no time, Ignatius told them to skip anything but the examen.

SHARING THE EXAMEN AS A FAMILY

One of our greatest joys in teaching the examen process at retreats has been the number of families who have taken it home and made it a regular part of their lives together. For example, Frank has passed on the examen to his five children and ten grandchildren. Four years ago Frank was visiting three-year-old Martha, six-year-old Eric and their parents. The adults began talking about how their day went, and Frank thought to tell them about the examen process. The children caught on immediately. They began asking each other, "What was the best part of your day?" and "What was the worst part of you day?"

For years later, this family is still doing the examen together. The examen has given them an opportunity for reconciliation and making amends to one another. "For example, one evening Eric's desolation was the time during the day when he was mean to someone and had to take a "time out." Another time Eric shared that his best part of the day was when he squirted the hose all over Martha and soaked her. Martha said her worst part of the day was getting drenched. At that point, their father intervened and gently guided both children in reconciling with each other. Eric and Martha are learning from the examen that one person's best part of the day might be another's worst part of the day, and to respect each other in their differences.

Another example is Jim, Ann and their three children. They have been doing the examen consistently every evening since we taught it to them eleven years ago. Sometimes the whole family gathers around the table and does the examen together. Other times, Jim or Ann do it with each of the children while putting that child to bed. They have adapted the questions as follows:

What did you feel good about today?

What was your biggest struggle today, or when did you feel sad, helpless or angry?

After sharing his or her answers, each person then brings them to God in thanksgiving for the consolation and in prayers for help with the desolation. When we asked Jim about the results of having done this process together for so many years, he said:

The examen has taught my children to trust themselves. They know that God is in all of reality, not only out there but in the core of life and in themselves. Last night our fifteen-year-old daughter Beth turned down an invitation to her first date with a very popular and handsome boy who wanted to take her to a party where there would be a lot of drinking and sexually promiscuous behavior. She knew she didn't want to be in that kind of environment. The boy was so impressed with her sense of herself that he left the party early and came over to visit with Beth at our home. They talked for a while and he returned to the party with the intention of being the designated driver for anyone who had too much to drink. I think Beth's inner strength has come from all these years of doing the examen and learning to trust that she knows what gives her life and what doesn't.

Beth shared this whole experience with us, just as she shares everything significant in her life. The other children are equally transparent and open. For example, nine-year-old Tom's older friend, Bert, is dying of Alzheimer's. During the examen recently, Tom's desolation was "I don't understand why Bert is losing his mind and dying such a terrible death." This began a long conversation in which Tom, only nine years old, faced an ultimate issue like death. His older brother, thirteen-year-old Sam, is in the midst of puberty and quite overwhelmed by his sexual feelings. But, he shares them with us, rather than saving them for the locker room as most children his age would do.

I think the examen protects our children not only from drinking and premature sexuality, but also from getting caught up in the violence of our culture. Many of their peers try to resolve conflicts by beating each other up or bringing guns and knives to school. But the examen has taught our children to face the violence in their own shadow sides and bring it into the light for healing. So, they can usually respond nonviolently to their friends and to larger issues of social justice.

My wife and I both work, and for our family as a whole, the examen has been a way of remaining connected despite our busy lives. It holds our family together and gives us a way of being emotionally present to one another.

In the midst of this conversation, Jim left the phone to check on Sam and Tom. When he returned, he told us that Sam had put his younger brother to bed and now both children were sleeping. He added, "I'm sure Sam did the examen with Tom before putting him to bed because that's how our children have learned to go to sleep."

For Frank's family and Jim and Ann's family, sharing the examen is like giving one another the bread of life. In fact, another family we know does just that. They gather around the table in the evening with some bread. Each person beaks off a piece of the bread and holds it as he or she shares consolation and desolation from that day. Then they give their bread of life to one another.

EXAMEN PROCESS

Preparation: You may wish to light a candle. Do whatever helps you to experience unconditional love. For example, imagine yourself in a favorite place with someone whose love you trust, such as a friend, Jesus or God as your understand God. Put your feet flat on the floor, take a few deep breaths from the bottom of your toes, up through your legs, your abdominal muscles and your chest. Breather in that unconditional love, and when you breathe out, fill the space around you with it.

1. Place your hand on your heart and ask Jesus or God as you understand God to bring to your heart the moment today for which you are most grateful. If you could relive one moment, which one would it be? When were you most able to give and receive love today?

Ask yourself what was said and done in that moment that made it so special. Breathe in the gratitude you felt and receive life again from that moment.

2. Ask God to bring to your heart the moment today for which you are least grateful. When were you least able to give and receive love?

Ask yourself what was said and done in that moment that made it so difficult. Be with whatever you feel without trying to change or fix it in any way. You may wish to take deep breaths and let God's love fill you just as you are.

3. Give thanks for whatever you have experienced. If possible, share as much as you wish of these two moments with a friend.