Today's first reading is an excerpt from what scholars often call the "confessions of Jeremiah." The "confessions" of Jeremiah are not a list of his sins, but rather a glimpse into his anguished conversations with God about what he is thinking and feeling in his heart.

In today's reading, Jeremiah describes his call by God as a form of "divine seduction." "You duped (or seduced me O Lord and I allowed myself to be duped." If we go back to chapter one of the Book of Jeremiah, we will see that Jeremiah tried to say "no" to God when he called him to be a prophet. "Oh, God, I'm but a child,...(Jeremiah is telling God: "God, I'm just a kid, you really don't want me for such an important position.") But God prevailed saying: "I'll give you the words to speak." So, Jeremiah says: "You were too strong for me, and you triumphed." Perhaps the biggest daily challenge in the spiritual life is surrender to God-allowing God to triumph over us, allowing God to have his way in our lives.

Then as we continue to read today's first reading, we discover that Jeremiah is ready to quit his vocation as prophet. Why? Because often the word he had to speak was one that the people, especially the leaders, did not want to hear. (In this case, he was telling the leaders to quit resisting the Babylonians who are attacking Jerusalem. "Quit before there is more loss of life.") Because his words are not what people want to hear, Jeremiah becomes the object of peoples' scorn and mockery. "All day long I am the object of laughter, everyone mocks me." Then he adds: "The word of the Lord has brought derision and reproach all the day long." Being a sensitive soul, Jeremiah found the peoples' mean and nasty words too much. So, inwardly he considers quitting. "I say to myself, I will not mention him, I will speak his name no more." Wow! Here we have one of God's greatest prophets telling us that he seriously considered turning his back on God. How consoling for those of us who may have similar thoughts.

But then Jeremiah shares with us something very powerful and beautiful. He tells us, try as he may, he cannot quit on God because God's Word is "like a fire burning in my heart, imprisoned in my bones. I grow weary holding it in, I cannot endure it." Jeremiah is telling us when God touches us in the depths of our being, we really can't quit on him. God's touch is like a fire that cannot be extinguished. We may become angry at God or discouraged with him (Jeremiah experienced both) but we really can't quit. God's seduction of our soul can't be easily tossed aside.

WHAT ABOUT YOU AND ME?

What do you think about all of this? Do you believe God's fire has touched your heart? Is so, when? Do you agree with Jeremiah that once God touches our lives we can't get rid of him? What about Judas? Did he allow Jesus to really take hold of his heart? Or, was he just going along for the ride?

I think the above are interesting questions for us to think about and even share with a spouse, friend or small group. Most, if not all, our Protestant brothers and sisters would probably say I'm talking about the : "Are you saved?" question. They expect us to be able to tell them the date, time and place we were saved or when we accepted Jesus into our hearts. In fact, lot of Catholics can also tell you the date, time and place when they were saved or when they made an adult commitment to Christ. What about you and me?

Speaking for myself, I cannot give you the date, time and place when I was "saved" or made an adult commitment to Christ. How come? After all, Jeremiah probably could have told us when God touched his life and put a "fire in his belly". Maybe so. Maybe not. We do not know what kind of relationship Jeremiah had with God prior to the moment he was called to be a prophet. Was there a particular moment or experience that he could look back on and say: "That was the moment God touched my heart and sent his fire into my bones-a fire I could never extinguish." Perhaps. Or might he say: "there was no one moment when I accepted God. Rather, it was a gradual process. Growing up, I was introduced to God by my family, my neighbors and teachers. Gradually, I developed a loving relationship with God. But, looking back on those years of introduction to God, Jeremiah might also point to one or more experiences that were key and central to his spiritual journey. It might be a youth retreat at the synagogue. It might be some crisis in his life that caused him to turn to God with more fervor or some other event or experience...

MY EXPERIENCE

Speaking for myself, I cannot point to one moment when I was "saved". This was a big surprise to some Baptist friends I knew years ago who believed I was a "saved Catholic priest". They were amazed that I couldn't point to any one time and place when I "received Jesus as my Lord and Saviour." Having said that, I must also, add that there were some key events along the way that deepened, strengthened and enlivened my relationship with the Father, Son and Holy Spirit.

Speaking within a Catholic, theological framework, I believe that I received Christ when I was baptized at two or three days old. (Prior to the '60's, no baby left an Irish hospital without being baptized. We just didn't want any pagan babies crawling around our homes.) Of course, I had no conscious awareness of Christ as an infant, just as I had no conscious awareness of my mother's love. But it was present and active in me, even if I was not aware of it. As I grew up, I noticed my family praying and I gradually started to join in, again, not very aware of all that was going on. I had a child's (not adult's) understanding of what I was doing. But, in those days, I did pray to God and seek his help. And I assume he was more or less personal to me, just like my parents were more or less personal to me. There was no one moment that I said: "Today, I accept you, Mom and Dad, as my parents." That would be ridiculous. I knew Ned and Johanna were my Mom and Dad. I also, knew it in a way that was appropriate for a 3 or a 10 year old. As the years went by I would become more aware of my parents' love and I would also become more responsive to that love and concern. (Or I may not have grown in my awareness of my parents' love and concern and therefore, I was not very responsive to their love.)

In a similar way, as I was growing up, I may or may not have had a personal sense of God's infinite love, If I was conscious of God's love, hopefully, I responded to that love by prayer and seeking to follow God's way. But, if God's love was more of a "head thing" than a "heart thing", then perhaps my relationship with God remained somewhat distant and impersonal.

Getting back to my own story, after coming to this country in 1972, I became involved with the Charismatic Renewal, Marriage Encounter, and to a lesser extent, Cursillo. Each of these experiences, especially the Charismatic Renewal, touched my heart in a significant way. They deepened, strengthened and enlivened my Catholic Christian faith. They especially introduced me to Jesus and the Holy Spirit in a much more personal way. God used these channels to reveal himself to me in a more personal way and to draw me to himself in a deeper way. Over the years, I have sought to nurture my relationship with god through retreats, daily prayer, spiritual reading and sharing my faith with others. I have no doubt God's fire has touched my heart and I can't imagine myself quitting on God. Yet, if I neglect to do the things that keep me close to God, I may lose him even if he will never lose me. So, am I "saved"? Yes, insofar as I have a personal relationship with the Father, Son and Holy Spirit and I seek to allow that relationship to impact the way I live my daily life. But, sometimes I act very "unsaved" in the things I say and do.

Some of you will have had a similar experience-you will not point to any one moment when you accepted God, Jesus or the Holy Spirit. Rather, you will say that your relationship to them grew in a gradual way. You may or may not point to certain key experiences or events that were important to your relationship with God-experiences that were awakening in nature. But, some of you will be able to point to some specific event or experience when God, Jesus or the Holy Spirit became personal or real for you just as St. Paul would certainly point to his Damascus experience as the key awakening experience in his life.

I'm running out of space and I know that there's a whole lot more I could write about this topic. Perhaps, I'll continue this topic in some future column. Do feel free to send me any thoughts or ideas you have on this topic. In the meantime, the important thing is that each of us is seeking to make the number one priority a relationship with the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit in our lives.